Signs of Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP)

Had no idea there’s a name for this behavior. Painful watching this unfold with someone you love, here are signs of Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP) and interventional strategies to stop Psychological Child Abuse:

  •  Not willing to participate in any reasonable form of written communication.
  •  Will tell the other parent and other third parties to deal only with their lawyer at times of minor conflict.
  •  Will frustrate normal and healthy telephone communication, such as supervising phone talk with kids, etc
  • When the phone rings, they will pick up the phone but then immediately hang up the phone on the calling party.
  • Will not answer the phone when the other parent calls. Often the child may witness their parent let the phone ring & ring numerous time without picking it up.
  • Turn off their answering machine when they see that it is the other parent who is calling which makes it difficult for the other parent to leave messages.
  • Use the call block feature on the phone so that the other party cannot ring through to their number even though the other parent’s actions would not warrant the blocking of calls.
  • Will hang up the phone immediately at the end of a conversation without giving the other parent a chance to respond. Not return phone messages left by the other parent even when left on an answering machine
  • Force the child to speak to the other parent or family members on speakerphone or listen in on the children’s private conversations. (Some HAP parents will force the child to converse with the other parent over a speakerphone or will listen in on the child conversation’s so that they can hear their child’s live telephone conversations with the other parent. HAP parents are literally paranoid about anything that their child may say to the other parent or about what the other parent may say to the child.)
  • Will order their child not to answer the phone when it rings, thereby limiting the child’s telephone contacts with the other parent. Many children in this situation are aware that their other parent is trying to call but are often too fearful of the HAP parent to pick up the phone even though they would like to.
  • Will grab and take away the phone from the child in the middle of a conversation with the other parent.
  • Remove phones after use and lock them away in a closet or room so that the child has no access to a phone or install phones high up on a wall, out of the reach for smaller children to be able to answer.
  • Will not let the child use a cell phone that the other parent may have provided to the child in an attempt to help overcome some of the telephone communication difficulties. Sometimes the HAP parent will take the cell phone that was given for the child’s use and use it for their personal use and run up a bill which must be paid by the other parent.

Often the child will observe the telephone manners of HAP parent which sets a bad role model for the child. The Hostile-Aggressive Parent wishes to limit the child’s contact with the other parent and frustrate the other parent. In some cases, HAP parents are trying to get the other parent to do something that they can use as an excuse to call police.


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